First,
don’t learn anything other than what you learned as a young pianist.
Pretend that time stopped when you left music school, and that no new
ideas or techniques for dealing with children have been developed since
then.
Second, get
out all the old piano books from your childhood. Use only these. Don’t
explore new literature or songs because there are no new approaches worth
trying.
Third,
resolve to become a disciplinarian. Cast a pall of gloom and failure over
the lessons and enforce your rules with an iron hand.
Fourth, be
strict about assignments being done exactly to your specifications, and
get angry when a six year old does not follow your directions to the
letter. Anger works well with children.
Fifth, get
an old ruler, and when a child makes a mistake, rap their knuckles with
the ruler to remind them that playing the piano is an odious task devoid
of joy.
Sixth,
without saying it, let your students know that they can never live up to
your expectations. Be superior, distant and almost snide
Seventh, go
get a book on child psychology, but don’t read it. Treat every child as
if they were headed for Carnegie Hall, and make them feel like a failure
if they can’t get even close to your justifiably high standards.
Eighth,
never experiment with anything. Go from page to page in an old book, and
ignore pleas, spoken and unspoken, to go slower. You are the boss and the
child must obey. Go at your pace, not the child’s.
Ninth, never
do anything except read music. All this modern talk of using improvising,
ear training, history and theory with kids is just an untried gimmick for
lazy, undisciplined people.
Finally,
never simplify anything for a child. They must play it exactly as it was
written in 1835. A six year old should be able to comprehend and play
music that was written by piano virtuosi for other piano virtuosi.
If you leave
out even one of these important steps, you are in danger of becoming a
creative, patient, modern children’s piano teacher.
Guard your
heritage of failure proudly. If only one out of ten kids responds to your
piano teaching method, it must mean that the other nine kids are idiots,
not that there may be something wrong with your method.
You are
always right, and the child is always wrong.
